If a behavior is unacceptable and immoral it should be considered negative regardless of the gender, right? It should not be like it is alright for guys to do this but not for the ladies. Unfortunately in our society it isn’t so, as a human race even our morals are gender biased. Isn’t it time this generation changed that? Can ethics and morals be gender biased? Are ethics defined by culture and gender biases and not the principles of right and wrong? Can religion or rather the misinterpretation of religion be attributed to the skewed moral compass of the people in general?
So from where did it all begin? The moment we are born or even before we are conceived, nobody wants a girl everybody wants a boy. Mothers to be are guilt tripped into this by other women, their own husbands and especially ‘the in-laws’, most women even want it themselves.You know why? Boys are breadwinners. Simple as that. A girl is a burden simply because she is not going to be that boy who provides for the whole family even if she does that it will eventually be in someone’s else house. And she is a sunk cost, a lost investment, a financial burden in shape of education, upbringing, marriage and dowry expenses or God forbid for whatever reason she has to return to her parent's home. There are many cases where this does not hold true. And many parents love girls without any discrimination. But society is far from giving up it’s old ways, beliefs and expectations. They just want to tame her so she does as it pleases them all.
When a child grows up and he/she sees cartoons, reads stories that are reinforcing the old idea that girls belong in homes and they can’t be a hero. However kids need to learn that a girl’s life need not revolve around finding a prince ‘to save her’! When in reality she needs to find her own true potential and reach self actualization before she should have a man in her life; who will probably bring more trouble and baggage and drown her identity instead of (air quotes) ‘saving her’. The question that pops up into my mind often is “Why does a girl need saving anyways?” Why doesn’t a guy need to be saved? Even if she does need saving why can’t she do it on her own? Or with the support of family, friends, her own brains and strength instead of a so-called prince?
I think it is past even high time when the world got rid of all such crappy make believe stories of princesses and heroines in distress who are always in need of saving by a man. Children absorb things like a sponge and the conflicting amount of information they receive from different sources can be downright disturbing. Don’t you wish your girls to grow up not reading such stupid stories and watching such cartoons or romantic movies, advertisements that revolve around guy girl relationship? There is so much more to life than that? Don’t you wish that girls knew they were not less if not more important than a man? They need to be a grown individual without obsessing over their looks and clothes all their lives. They should carve a path or life of their own instead of wasting their energy on nailing a prince. I know times are better now and movies have matured for the younger audience and it is admirable. But the old age ideas are ever present and prevalent.
Ever heard Shakespeare, “All the world’s a stage. All men and women are merely actors.”
What is the role assigned to a woman? It is the role of a mother, a wife, a daughter in law, a sister in law, a nurturer a homemaker. The moment a girl grows she sees at her own home her mom is a housewife and dad is the breadwinner. Society, media, culture our own families inculcate this role into a person.
By the time she grows up she may want to be different things but her subconscious knows the ultimate role the ultimate accomplishment is being a wife and a mother. And many women,hats off to them, are happy playing this role only but this is not about those women. It is about those of us who want to carve a niche in life, who are not comfortable with this secondary supportive role, who want to be in the driving seat too. Who would rather be known and identified as a writer, an actor, a director, an artist, editor, a CEO, an entrepreneur, an engineer, an architect, a fashion designer,a nutritionist, an educator, a manager, a line worker,a security guard, a boxer, a wrestler, a social worker but not only as a wife, mother, daughter, sister or a woman!
The thing is working women are not seen or portrayed as a success by society or family and especially fellow women homemakers or even colleagues. This role is not encouraged or supported in actions of others. Even as a breadwinner or a sole breadwinner women still have a secondary position in the family just because of the gender bias so rampantly prevalent in our minds and societies at large. Most women want to fit in. It takes a lot of courage and moral support to be on one’s own without giving a buck about what other people think or say.
So how do you change a society’s mindset or how do you change the mindset of very woman in question. How do you convince her it is good to have an education, a career, a business if she wants besides kids? How will you stop others from sending her down that guilt trip that if she isn’t comfortable sitting in the house while her husband earned. What if she wanted to make something out of her life, duh, what if she had a mind of her own? Sometimes partners don’t remain partners forever or they are unable to meet the financial requirements of a family. People would say she could do that while sitting at home like so many other female counterparts. What is so bad about getting out of home and working in an office anyways? Doesn't she have the intellect to decide on her own? And if the answer is a negative then whose fault is that? And if her needs as a healthy and stable individual are ignored and not accounted for, is that right? It is like nobody really cares about an individual that matters so much for a household to stay a household. She is the glue that binds together everything and everyone whether she stays at home as a homemaker, housewife and mother or she chooses to be both a homemaker and a working woman. She deserves all the respect and support she can get from those around her but they fail to acknowledge, appreciate and support her in whichever way possible.
If she works she is expected to be a superwoman play both roles of a breadwinner and a housekeeper whether she has a partner or not. In her mind she feels the pressure to fill all duties. And does she finally collapse under that pressure or she overcomes setbacks and plays by her rules? Where do you want to be? Part of a revolution or part of the old and accepted? Take my advice love yourself and your family first, make a mark of your own and be your own prince charming whenever and wherever you can!
